Thursday, February 10, 2011

Rollback and Refocus. (personal)

I struggle all the time when it comes to this blog about what I can and cannot put up on it. Sometimes I feel so passionate about something I need to write about it, it gives me som release and makes me feel better but generally alot of the time, I'm thinking - no - I can't write that and put it on the blog.
Maybe I should give myself a 2 day layover to think about it before pushing "publish" or maybe I should just do it. At least that way no one can say I have a perfect life.
Now, don't get wrong, I do have a pretty great life. But life is what you make of it. Someone who has a similar life may cry everyday about their life, cause they struggle to find the beauty in it...
So what's this coming down to? I find beauty in my life. Everyday.
At least once a week I accomplish all the chores that "need" to be done. Every week, I put my baby to bed at the same time. I pay bills. I make supper. I wander around and try to get myself off of facebook or any other social media site. I sit on the ground and play with Jocelynn and throw a ball for the dog. I go for 3 runs a week and then what... I have to face... people.
I'm so nice. That I think it hurts people. I'm so nice. I hurt myself.
There's the truth.
I expect people to return the nice, understanding way I am to them. And when people don't. I take it personal. But not in an angry, oh my ggrrr I hate them way... In a That really hurt my feelings way...
So much that today I experience an email from someone who, I'll be blunt, hurt my feelings. And they took advantage to hurt my feelings for something I could not control, nor did I have any control over.
I think I'm starting to realize that A) People Are Mean (haha - so true) B) People Don't Care About Other People (at least not the way I do, why do I put so much effort into that?)
C) People are willing to Put others out to make Themselves feel better.
And I think it all stems from the world being "selfish".
Not being "humble" .

Being able to get up and do anything becuase their car and their wallet let's them.
Where did our slow time go? when did people stop caring about others and going out of their way to cause others pain?

I'm such a great example of letting people hurt. I let people on a constant basis hurt me. I take it personal.
I have many strengths but you gotta always have a weakness. Something to "improve" on. And this is mine.

Honestly, everytime I get hurt, I get a pit in my stomach, something that wants to make me give up, but then I focus, I figure, that's what those people want. And I refocus, and I'm okay. I am Okay. And I do make it to the next day. I do fine. And I meet nice people. I do awesome things...
Refocus. Know you're goals, repeat your goals. Know you have hurdles and and tackel them. Move on to the next.Stronger. Passionate and more focused than before. I think that's A Goal, all in it's self.

So is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Yes, there is always light. There is always light where you want to see light.

Best wishes!
<3 -bella This is my light. May there be so much light for all of us from this point on. Photobucket

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