Monday, May 9, 2011

Waiting For... (personal)

I don't think it ever ends. The feeling of chasing and running, knowing you still have so much more to do in your life. And maybe I do want solitude, solitude from the crazies of life. I dream of simplicity, but I throw myself deeper into crazy. When I have the option for quiet, I dive off the deep end. I love the not knowing and the possibility of failure. The chance to reach higher and conquer more. My life has been everything everyone didn't think was possible. That when I look like a stereotype, I'm far from it. My dreams shifted fast from one end to another and anyone who knows me will not argue. Even when my brain falters, or my chest burns - I have purpose for what I did. My life wasn't predetermined, yet my thought and purpose was. So many paths and yet I choose one after another, why? why that way, why that street, why that turn, why did it happen, when did it happen? When did I wake up to life and not even notice the life I had created was what I had always wanted? If I could analyze my head space I might have answer for myself. When my eyes close I keep dreaming, every thought, I keep dreaming. Cause when I have my eyes shut, I'm not here. I wish, I wish I was stronger... or that I could understand why I live half my life in my dreams and the other half in reality.

Does strength predetermine your life and goals? Why do things get to me easier... why do they make me angry and tired? Now, Do I crawl or run... Do I jump? Do I breathe... or choke.

When everyone tells you no, how do you keep saying yes?

I'd rather jump than fall. I'd rather run then crawl. I'd rather climb than wait.

So keep jumping, keep running and keep climbing...

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